probably both…
Too tired to just even think… Just came from the induction and frankly, another proof that I am glaringly uke-dominant– I can’t handle being mean and impersonal. ;;-_- It so drains me of so much energy… So I simply assisted in everything else being done since I was exhausted, and most of the time sat through the last of the exercises. And I suddenly had a hard time breathing… I don’t know why…
I wanted to talk more about it, but I can’t. For some odd reason I remember the details but can’t put them together… Probably because of the mixed-up feelings I recently have..
I don’t even know where to start…
Let’s just say this is about him.
As usual, we were sending SMS text messages (gosh, what IS the right term for this?) two days ago. He had just sent two cheesy quotes (Keso people, unite!), and I, for no reason, forwarded a quote that started it all…
I deleted it from my inbox now, but I do remember that it said something along the lines of ‘I love you not as much as you will…’ and I think it offended him. Later that night, he sent a piece of the quote back… And I ask if there was anything wrong… He only sent the whole quote back again… Then I finally told him that I didn’t get the point, that I was getting confused. Then he replied:
“Talaga, Pareho lang tayo. Gud pm.”
Really, You and me both. Gud pm
I was stumped. Stupid, stupid text message, and stupid, stupid me who didn’t even think that the quote I would send would mean anything so big!
I don’t know why I’m overreacting over the whole thing, but again, I am only an uke who thinks so much of other people’s reactions. But I was afraid suddenly that if that simple message would break everything else (when he hasn’t even started ‘legally’ courting me yet, and me answering him, or the two of us haven’t gone steady yet). But then again, if he would go away just because of that…
I don’t know…
Last night, he finally texted back (okay, now I’m back to using my own term of it), saying he was okay now… And said:
“…What really bothered me was the quote you sent. I am somewhat offended. You’re telling me I didn’t care enough… Loved you, “as much as u will” And I think you should only use the words I love you in a message when you really mean it. These are very powerful words. Just a reminder. Gud pm”
I replied a simple sorry and good night, telling him that I didn’t know why I sent that, and that I didn’t know that it will eventually do that.
Until now, I don’t know what to make of it. After that reply, I wanted to send another saying those powerful words… Because I feel like it is the truth. But I couldn’t. I don’t know if it would be right or how it would sound. He just said so…
Argh!!!
Was it stupidity? Or a subconscious act of desperation of finally trying to tell him what I feel?
Frankly I don’t know, and I don’t know what I want to do about it…
Thanks for listening though, if read this far.
=runs off and tries to find a person to hug=
Comments
~ Krissy on 12:13 pm @ 04/12
I don’t think that’s stupidity or being uke or whatever. -_- Sometimes, when it comes to things like these, certain people tend to think too much. ^^ And everything blows out of proportion. Ganyan din kasi ako ^^
Don’t let this incident throw the two of you apart. Kasi it’s just text message. A lot of misunderstandings can happen behind the mask of those digital signals. -_-
I hope for the best na lang.
ARGH!! Hindi ako nakapunta ng induction!! *roars*
*hugs Hoto-chan*
~ Shadow on 7:05 am @ 04/12
Alam mo…until now, hindi niya alam ang dahilan kung bakit naging ganun ka, o ba’t nasabi mo yun, kaya siya parang nagtampo. kilala ko siya, kahit anong gawin mo, mahal ka pa rin nun. matampuhin lang minsan talaga yun. akala niya minsan, parang wala siyang halaga sa’yo, kaya nagiging ganun siya. insecure kasi siya…alam niya wala siyang maipagmamalaki o maipagmamayabang para piliin mo. sa palagay ko hindi sa text message nagsimula ang tampuhan niyo…pero okay naman na siya ngayon ‘di ba? kala ko nga di ka niya kakausapin o ite-text for one week kasi tampo talaga siya. sira-ulo lang talaga yung lalaking yon. basta, mag-ingat ka lagi, malamang, yun ang ipapayo niya lagi sa’yo. kahit ano naman, ‘di ba? lagi naman daw siyang handang sumoporta sa’yo. cheer-up…^_^
*mahirap mag-type ng 5:00 am, kagigising mo lang kasi bangag sa inuman party ng officemate, nasa office natulog, at nakatodo ang aircon…………brrrrr….lamig!!! siyet…gotta go home na at baka walang taong abutan yung maglalaba….heheheh*
~ Shadow on 7:22 pm @ 04/12
*Pahabol: tell that guy to be on-time. kulang sa disiplina…tsk-tsk-tsk…kaya ‘di nami-meet ang deadline eh. may personality problem din kasi yun…weirdo talaga. *
Ja!
~ Shadow on 4:01 am @ 04/15
suddenly it came to me that he apparently knows more things about you than you about him? Is that true? or are you both confused abou each other’s feelings? I’m intrigued… and even if he keeps discovering these facts, he can’t convince himself that it’s true. hmmmm,,, kinda sounds like you’re both in the same situation, you just don’t know it.
ignore me. i just can’t do anything better with my time now that holy week is up.
regards!