Choking
I entered the Anime Karaoke Contest of UP AME this afternoon, singing Melodies of Life. I was truly excited. I had been practicing all week. And by far– I intuitively know where I play around my voice a little and stuff. And I know the lyrics by heart… And my moment came…
But I choked.
I froze at some lines and my voice quivered. My tones kept changing and wasn’t able to keep the voice I practiced daily, and almost every other hour when I’m alone. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see the reaction of the people in front of me.
And all because I was nervous.
I joined for fun… But it felt that I lost my pride someplace in the FC AVR and left it there.
After my turn, I had to run out of the FC AVR to get to my next class. A good thing as well, because I couldn’t probably keep my emotions if I stayed there. While I ran for it, I tried to sing again, trying to figure out where I went wrong. But I was singing back to normal again– without mishaps and tone differences…
I stopped my tears from falling, stopped running and simply walked. I wanted to hit my head on the wall. I have the guts to do anything I want… But a simple rise in tension I simply break? How could I sing again, when I know I would just fail and simply fall in front of so many people. I was never meant to be a singer I guess… If I couldn’t even sing decently in front of people, how can I be an entertainer?
A rant from an artist, who’s really not that much of an artist, and now– was never meant to sing.
