Changes
..the only constant thing in this world…
[weepy]
It’s been two weeks since my work started. It doesn’t seem like it, but it’s getting to me deep. You’d call it adjustment period, call it first-time jitters– call it anything you want. I call it pressure.
I had reservations about it before. But now, am actually enjoying the learning process and experience a lot. But somehow, there’s always something there to pop the bubble. I know, I know, it’s prolly just my brain working overtime– worrying about troubles that are yet to come, troubles you aren’t even sure would come– unfounded. But recently, it’s cutting me deep.
It’s even affecting the other things in my life.
I guess it’s my immaturity, and I am admitted to that — still living in a world of dreams, in my own safe little world. I’m like a kid who’s afraid of the dark in her own room in need of a night light; I’m like a kid who reacts immediately to anything that comes her way; I’m like a kid who’d cry immediately when things go wrong…
Change…
And I guess it’s the pressure I’m getting from work. The stress am going under due to fear of not meeting certain expectations… Stressing over things that probably don’t exist, but it seems am blinded– I know, but deny it.
Change…
And I probably owe it to my low self-esteem. I wasn’t really able to see things that I did as mine., even they’re good.
Change…
As I’ve said, I’m enjoying the learning process and experience in the training. At the same time my introspection is getting better– but it’s getting me to think too much.
Change. I need to change…
For the people who care for me.
For my self.
I need to learn to stop worrying to much. I need to take a step up the ladder and be mature about it. I need to learn to depend on myself and myself alone,a nd be proud of it.
Konting yabang
If I don’t, I could lose the so few people I have in my life.
I could lose my self…
I’m trying, I really am. But it’s been such a part of me too much that it’ll be harder for me to un-learn. I’ll be taking baby steps, hopefully with the people I love on the sidelines supporting me, and not necessarily holding me by the hand. And the One above seeing me through…
I’m lucky enough for them showing me the path, and it’s about time I walk through it on my own– with confidence.
