Cannot~
I couldn’t go to the induction after all. Argh!!! So I’m not yet inducted into the org(see May 14 entry). But they say my appilcation won’t forfeited at all (sigh of relief). But feelings toward the org have changed through the course of the summer of not being around the people too much (for lack of a better word).
They seem more worried than I am, of me not getting inducted. I don’t know why they worry at all! On my side, I don’t care at all…
I don’t care.
Why?
Let’s put it this way. Applying into the org was of my own free will. No one told me to apply– I just did. For the heck of it anyway. I applied for the experience of what it’s like, not because I expected things… And you know what, I didn’t even expect to go this far– not even: be able to pass to get inducted! And yet, I feel its okay that I won’t get inducted. And I mean that.
I don’t care because I’ve already done what I came to do. Got the experience and met new people. I met you guys… that’s all that matters.
I don’t care because the application was worth it. Okay maybe I sound silly because all of the other applicants worked hard for earning the right to be inducted into membership, and maybe I have put in more than what was asked of me. And yet, I’m throwing it all away…
Yeah, I guess I do sound like a fool.
I don’t care because I’m in fourth year na. And I can’t handle responsibilities as a mem and doing my thesis (nakakaiyak na thesis) at the same time. Maybe others can– I can’t.
Okay. Maybe my reasons may not be justified logically. But saying I don’t care if I get inducted or not doesn’t mean i don’t care about the org– or even try not to get inducted at all! Being in the org for awhile, I learned to love it, and all the people within it.
I guess, I just wasn’t meant to be in the org. Because whatever I try, however or how much I pray. I just can’t get my schedules right to get the free time around the induction dates. I guess, I was just meant to meet the people and get to know the group..
Yes that’s how I felt. I actually sent this out to all my friends in the org (the people who worry too much) because I felt the need to explain myself…
I love them. I love the org.
But I just don’t care if I get inducted or not.
….
Later.
