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A Fleeting Dream

As I walked through the rain going home, it made me think of a lot of things…

It was a strong downpour, with the wind trying to nip at your semi-wet body and stealing the umbrella from your hands. It made me wish I stayed in my dry, tempered room in the office — or already home, with my mom’s homemade soup and a blanket.

But I was there, walking through the rain. Clutching my unbrella close to keep my head and back from getting wet. When it rains I don’t care if my hands, feet and legs get wet– just as long as my head and back are dry. I stepped into a lot of deep puddles in the dark, with the dim streetlights and flashing headlights of passing vehicles guiding my way. I hailed buses as I go, while I made out their signboards as they went.

When I finally got on and arrived at the FX terminal, that’s when I felt a little better. Nevermind the pouring rain, or the long line. I just felt *better*

Earlier today I had been feeling rather down. Arriving at work 15 minutes late, when I could’ve arrived 30 minutes early. Because the adjacent college had a field trip, hence their buses clogged the traffic (curses still to you, green little people). Also work is not faring better than usual. I would rather not go into the details– but let’s just say that I feel constrained for some reason. Yes, I have freedom to do with what I have to do– but for some reason, I still feel tied up.

Even when I was about to leave the office, I literally still had a hard time breathing (probably because of the last minute toxicity of a certain matter at that time).

But the minute I got out (and into) the rain, I felt a moment of silence in my internal turmoil. I walked out into the rain, with no thoughts in my head but getting through it. I found a fleeting inner peace that anyone would kill for to have for a lifetime. At that moment, I was struck by amazing clarity, that my mind was thinking of things that would’ve mattered in one’s life. I was probably *this* close to understanding the meaning of life, just by standing in the rain– but like a dream, it was gone, and cannot be recalled forcibly.

It seemed the rain had cleansed my spirit to clear me of my internal struggle for the meantime. It seemed to know that I need to rest my head from things that bother me mentally and emotionally. I feel like a used tool, but with a little cleaning, will be back to work again. I may not be the same before, but I am refreshed.

Forgive my words this time around. The rain made me do it.